Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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