Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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