she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
