My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
one two three fourrrrnication!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
