OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
