I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
