i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
