I'm jealous of your bromance
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
