Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
