...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
