I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
