i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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