Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So apparently I’m into choking now
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