you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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