would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize