Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize