he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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