Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
