Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
