I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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