Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
