According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
