bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
