batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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