I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
