Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize