when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
