We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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