At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
