Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
