i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize