Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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