is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
