keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
