Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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