Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
a search helicopter?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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