All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
