Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
