Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
