I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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