Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize