remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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