i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
