I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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