apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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