forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
