in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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