a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
