The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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