Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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