Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize