Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
