Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize