is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i've created a new STD.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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