Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize