I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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