I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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