He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
MIDGETS
????
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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