She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
