That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
