I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
