You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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