so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
