we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
