hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
