best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
