I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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